Where Has It All Gone?
The other night, we had just gotten all the kids to bed and I was bemoaning the fact that we really had no food left in the house. I had to go grocery shopping, so I figured I might as well just get it over with. The grocery store I went to is right next to an Old Chicago restaurant. It was 9 pm, and some young college-age people were leaving. I stared at them in amazement, stunned by the fact that I had once been so carefree and un-needed by 3 young kids. No doubt they were on their way to a fun movie where they would indulge in popcorn and Milk Duds. They would stay up till all hours and sleep until noon the next day. I wanted to yell out my window at them, "Enjoy your freedom! Enjoy it while you can!" Because look where I am today. It was 9 at night and all I wanted was to be home in my pajamas, in bed. But I was heading into the grocery store of all places, where I would have the unwelcome task of comparing cheese prices (tell me, why is cheese so expensive right now?) and stocking up on Goldfish crackers and the oh-so fun Finding-A-Vegetable-My-Kids-Will-Eat. This is my life. This is the glamour of motherhood. Grocery shopping is becoming a bit overwhelming to me (Zinabu eats like a horse on steroids) and I feel like it's all I do anymore. I'm trying to scrape the recesses of my brain for memories of the past life I had before kids. I know it's there. Food that included exotic names and ingredients. The memories become more and more dim as the current sleep-disturbed nights pile up on one another. This mothering thing is hard. I am finding it does not get easier. There is no day coming where I will finally "arrive" and say, "That's it! I've finally figured it all out!" I am just treading water right now, trying to stay afloat. Trying not to prevent my kids from a) hating me b) destroying property, and c) embarrassing themselves with terrible table manners. That's my checklist. If I can do those 3 things, I'll be happy.