That Sam-I-am!
That Sam-I-am!

Why do we live with my mom? This is why. Reading aloud to your Nana on a Sunday afternoon. Pure love between the two of them.

Acts of Kindness update:
February 6th: Forgiveness. Letting go of the ability to hold a grudge against someone. The most difficult but the most rewarding.
February 7th: Going to the grocery store, in the snow, and parking way, way out in the lot to save closer parking spaces for someone else. And helping little old ladies reach canned peaches off the top shelf. Definitely a bonus to my day.

Dough


It's Friday night so that means pizza. Tonight we went to a NY style pizzeria and it... was... heavenly. They toss the dough right there in front of a glass window. My kids looked like they were watching fireworks, they were so dazzled and amazed. The chef must have thought they were awfully cute because he gave each one a hunk of dough. It was great fun* watching my children toss dough up in the air in a restaurant and have it land on the floor but who cares because we're not eating it so just pick it up and keep going. Great fun. They even insisted on bringing it home to throw it around some more in our kitchen.

(*insert sarcastic tone)

Acts of kindness update: Feb. 4th I helped someone with a project they had going on at their house. Feb. 5th (today) I took the kids to a fun activity and when it came time to pay I gave the business owner a bit extra and told her to keep the change. She was flabbergasted. And it wasn't even that big of an amount. I told her to have a nice day and she gave me the most beautiful smile. So worth the extra money.

Well, isn't it just dandy that right after I posted my plan to perform acts of kindness throughout February I had a giant, emotional landmine explode in my face. Just a big ol' pile of yuck, splattered all over my life. That's how it is sometimes, but it sure made being kind to others the absolute LAST thing I wanted to think about. I'm going to have to slog through the next few days until I can get this issue worked out, so until then my kindness quota is nothing to brag about. But here's what I've done so far.

Feb. 1--Went to a meeting at school that evening. Once a month parents have the chance to meet with the principal to discuss concerns or raise questions. I had a few things on my mind I could have brought up, but instead I chose to zip my lip. After the meeting I approached the principal, gave her a big hug, and told her how much I appreciated her and all her hard work.

Feb. 2--It was Open House night at the middle school Carver will be attending. Parents got to come and meet some of the staff and go to a few break-out sessions to get information on classes, schedules, and volunteer opportunities. The place was packed, and every time I went to a new classroom, there were more people than chairs. I opted to stand the entire time and give up my seat for someone else. Not a big deal, but it was an act of kindness.

Feb. 3--The day is only half over, so I could still find other ways to be kind, but for now I am writing a sweet note to a distant relative who is elderly and mostly alone and who I know would love to hear from me. It will make her day, and it's pretty easy to write some kind words on a card and stick it in the mail.

So there you have it. Three days down, 25 to go. Hopefully I can shake off the funk I'm in and have a better attitude in the weeks to come.

Look at that. February. I love turning the page in my little calendar and seeing a new month stretching before me. Selfishly, I like to look at the days ahead and see if I can plan anything for myself before the onslaught of events and activities fills up each little square of "Wednesday" or "Saturday." I liken it to the airline safety rules of putting your own oxygen mask on before helping your children with theirs. It feels counter-intuitive but is really for the best.

Also, I am happy to be finished with 30 Days of Nothing. It got grueling toward the end. When I participated in November it was freeing and helpful and worthwhile. January felt like complete deprivation. So I applaud the many friends I have that finished strong and changed their relationship with money--not to mention their relationship with our very privileged lifestyle here in the United States.

February has begun, and in keeping with my idea that I'll try a new challenge each month I have decided to give myself over to one act of kindness every day. Sounds easy, right? Well, I'm not so sure about that.

Rules:
1. My family is not included. Although if you counted how many acts of kindness I perform each and every day for them, they'd number into the hundreds. But that's just part of my job. Would it be nice if I were appreciated more? Sure. But I don't sling breakfast at them and bark, "You'll thank me for this when I'm dead and gone!" in order to evoke more appreciation for all my menial tasks. In other words, I don't lord my servitude over them. It's my job and that's that.

2. I cannot include volunteering at my kids' school. I already do that almost 5 days a week, and it wouldn't be a change in my behavior. However, if there's a way I can assist someone at school that goes above and beyond my volunteer duties, then I think I can count that.

3. Some acts of kindness can be performed from my computer or with a letter. While I'd love to believe I'm going to be "out in the world" every day, leaving a trail of kindness in my wake, the reality is that there are times when my days are filled with the mundane: carpooling, school, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., and I can't count on having an hour to "get out there" and immerse myself in public. So if I can write a letter or help out via the Internet, that's good enough for me.

I'm thinking this should be interesting. I hope I have some sweet stories to tell as a result of my reaching out more... but if nothing else I want to challenge myself to look for opportunities to see beyond myself and toward the needs of others.

*UPDATE: I just discovered that Feb. 15-21 is recognized as "Random Acts of Kindness" week. How fitting.

Wants and Needs

Carver's needs are so simple. He works hard in school all week and lives for Saturdays. Time to himself. Freedom. Silly, goofy jokes. And skateboarding. He needs me to take him to the skateboard park, and I do not begrudge him the desire. In all too short a time he will be driving himself, and I will be unnecessary. He won't shoot me his signature "thumbs up" sign after landing a tricky move because I won't be there to see it. Right now he wants me to watch him. So I do.


Lily--the middle child. She needs to have her voice--her opinions--heard. She needs to know that she has a role in the family. So when she pipes up that she wants to make dinner, and dinner will be PB&J on Ritz crackers, then that's what dinner is. She will be strong and determined, because I want her to be. And I let her try.


Zinabu wants to be loud and touching me all the time. Fingers on me every minute he's nearby. I need him to give me space, but he needs me to be parenting board, sounding board, and tactile board all rolled into one. He wants to reach out to me in love but doesn't always know how. He needs me to be patient. He needs to know that his exuberance is appreciated. So I try. Because I want to try.

This is the post where I give you life or death information on how to buy a cheap birthday present. There are so many of you who are going to finish strong in January after participating in 30 Days of Nothing. I am overwhelmed by everyone's hard work and discipline. I'd say January went well for us, but we hit a ginormous (my kids most favorite word that isn't really a word) roadblock.

We were invited to 4 birthday parties this weekend. Actually, let me rephrase that. My kids were invited to 4 birthday parties. My social calendar can hear the crickets chirping.

I debated long and hard about creating cute little coupons for gifts like, "This entitles you to a playdate and ice cream cone with Lily." But I could feel my creative juices shriveling up the more I thought about it, and it was a matter of "spend money now" versus "spend money next week." So I went ahead and bought 4 different presents.

However, I still tried to get the most bang for my buck. I went to Hobby Lobby and found plain canvas bags for $2.99. Inside the bag I put a pink T-shirt ($2.99), feather boa (.99), beaded necklaces (.50), and a pack of fabric markers. The idea is they get to color and decorate their T-shirts and bags. I also found polka-dot bandannas for .99 cents and stuck one of those in there. The entire gift totaled less than $12.00, but I like that it's a dress-up/craft/use it over and over again gift. I have 4 different bags lined up on our counter, ready to go. We're ready to rumble.

Happy 80th, Patty!


Today is my mother-in-law's 80th birthday. That's a photo of her, holding David when he was a baby. She looked pretty good for being a mom of 5 and working as a night nurse, don't you think? When I first met David, I was in my early 20s and he was in his early 30s. (I love to tease him that he married a trophy wife.) David is also the youngest of 5 children. Do the math. I am much younger than them. In fact, I have nieces who are my age.

As I was beginning to get to know David's family, I thought I had nothing in common with them. I thought they lived in a different era. I was young and stupid and didn't have any perspective beyond being young and stupid. Mostly, though, they intimidated me. They were all strong, independent, and unique. They were talented, intelligent, and determined. And I was just young and stupid.

Meeting David's mom scared the daylights out of me. David grew up in a small farming community and his mom had an enormous garden where she tilled, planted, and harvested vegetables. My mom killed green things by looking at them. David's mom canned thousands of quarts of fruit and vegetables. My mom bought canned goods at the store. David's mom worked the night shift as a nurse. Uh... my mom slept at night. David's mom loved to cut down trees and burn them, fix things with electrical tape, and make everything from scratch. My mom loved to sit by the pool and read a novel.

David grew up in Minnesota.
I grew up in California.

It couldn't have been more different.

So meeting Pat and hearing about her pot roasts and seeing the blankets she crocheted and the quilts she sewed and the legend of her nursing skills... well, I was a wee bit overwhelmed. But as I spent more and more time with David's family and with his mom, I realized I was incredibly fortunate to have the chance to be with them. They've taught me a lot, in ways they would never know, about how to live. And I grew up a lot and left behind my young stupidity. My mother-in-law is as dear and funny and sweet as all get out, and she has 80 years of life to celebrate today.

Happy Birthday, Pat.