Lots of Thinking

This is a picture of a traditional hut in Ethiopia. Found in the countryside and farmland, it is the type of hut Zinabu was born in and live the first 3 years of his life. This is a general photo I found on the web, but we do have priceless photo and video of Zinabu's family hut and very small farm. I am trying to come to grips with the great divide between Ethiopia and Colorado. Geographically, culturally, economically, and emotionally. Zinabu is the one I was prepared for to grieve and balk against living with us. I am finding that I am going through a lot of emotional work...just coming to grips with the very different upbringing Zinabu had before coming to us. It's hard for me to explain but I just need to process. I know the exact day and time Carver and Lily were born. I know they were born in sanitized hospitals. I know they had to wait only a few days and weeks before coming to live with us. It is so different with Zinabu. I can only guess at what his life was like. I don't know when he was born. I don't know his exact age. I don't know what he did or liked or thought. And I probably will never know as these memories are going to be lost for him before he can express them to us. I knew this in my head before Zinabu arrived, but back then he was just a face in a photo. Now he is my son! And these questions haunt me. CHSFS, our agency, goes to extremes to find out as much as they can about your child's birth history. They made a DVD for us that shows Zinabu's birthplace and some living relatives were interviewed. It is everything to us that we have this, and it will be everything to Zinabu as he gets older and has questions for us that we can't explain. The DVD is very sad and hard for me to watch, but it gives a pictorial account of Zinabu's life during the in between of his first family and us.

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