Bear With Me Here
After a lot of thinking and praying and facing reality, I have come to the conclusion that I just can't do it all. Especially while David is in his doctorate program and still a high school administrator. Someone in this house (me) needs to be well-rested and on the ball most of the time. And that leads me to the tough, tough decision to close my jewelry business. I'm actually posting this to give me the courage to go through with it because I don't do this lightly. I worked so hard to build it up and make it successful. But at the end of the day, when I look at my children, they need a mom, not a small-business owner.
I think if David's job were not so time-consuming, if he wasn't also taking classes, if we weren't trying to pack our house and get it ready to sell, if I didn't have 3 kids, if we weren't cleaning out my mom's house, if I didn't volunteer in Carver's and Lily's classes... If, if, if. But none of those are going to change anytime soon, so the ONE thing I can control is my business.
What's hard about giving it up? The positive feedback I get from it. The feeling of personal achievement. The knowledge that I can create something that someone else will buy. Something that is strictly by me and for me. It's positively addicting. But trying to fit all of that in on top of my family that is stretched to the limit just won't work anymore.
So while I am so sad to put aside a part of my life that was creative and fulfilling and exciting, I know deep down that I have to. I do not want to look back on my life and regret not having done everything I could for my kids. I can just tell they need more of me these days. They are fighting more and impatient more and grumpy more often than not... and it doesn't help for me to say to them, "Not now, I have to fill an order" or "Not now, I need to ship this package to Canada" or "Not now, I need to check Etsy." I want to give them all of me that they deserve, even though it is so hard sometimes. Making breakfast and playing Transformers and helping with homework won't give me the same glorious satisfaction as selling bulk orders to Australia, but I recognize the priceless value of being available to the people who need me the most.
Please do not interpret this post to be anything about working moms versus stay-at-home moms. It is not. This is strictly about me and what is happening at my house and what I need to put aside in order to make our family work a little better. I have 2 custom orders to fill and ship off today, and then I'm done. I'll pack up my supplies and write "on hold" on the box. Maybe I'll open it again in 5 months. Maybe I'll open it again in 5 years. Or maybe never. I don't know.
And as I have been saying a lot these days, thanks for listening.