Back To Blogging... Sort Of
We got our computer back, up and running, just in time to get ready to leave for Texas for the week. I miss blogging. I miss it because it's a way for me to journal and to write little updates on the kids, vent about what's happening in the world that I disagree with, and post goals and dreams. Plus I love reading your comments--like little notes in my mailbox each day from friends far and near.
We are T-minus 2.5 days until we leave for Texas. It's hard to believe that the original plans were a trip to London for me and David. That feels like a lifetime ago. Lily is doing okay, and I sincerely thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. We're actually thankful for a week off all together as a family. I can't wait to see the beach and explore and eat junk food and watch David relax from his insanely stressful job. Plus no homework. No helping with 7th grade math, which manages to stump me most nights. It doesn't matter where we're going, as long as there's no homework.
I like to put off our packing until the last minute, because no matter how prepared I am, it all really boils down to those last few hours. Also, we have to bring our own bedding and towels, so there's no reason to get that ready now. But that also means I will be running around like a headless chicken all day on Friday. Feel free to come over and watch me. It should be quite entertaining.
I'll blog as much as I can between now and then. I hope you're all doing well.
3/21/12
3/19/12
3/11/12
zi-NAH-boo
Zinabu. Zinabu, Zinabu, Zinabu.
We are approaching his five year anniversary of joining our family. Does that seem possible? It does not, to me. His arrival (and subsequent pain and adaptation to America and our family) still feels so palpable. So just yesterday. I marvel at a five year anniversary.
Zinabu is the light of my life. The most incredible joy-filled ball of energy and brains. He is still a little tone deaf, but he loves to sing funny songs as he follows me around. Yesterday it was, "We're doing the laundry one piece at a time..." When he wants to get his way, he stares at me with his enormous brown eyes and says, "You can't resist the puppy dog stare." And he still asks me eight million questions a day, such as, "Where does Daylight Saving's Time really start and what time is it really here if it's already midnight in New York?"
His brain is so mathematical. He is a living, breathing calculator. We are going to have our hands full keeping him happy at school, and he is going to be "one of those" kids. One of those kids in the double-double-triple-super advanced math classes in eight grade, riding the bus to the high school to take AP Calculus with a bunch of 17-year-olds. I can hardly wait to see what he'll be when he grows up. I won't be able to understand it because it will have something to do with quantum physics, but I am very excited.
And he is still very much a little boy. Needing my snuggles. Needing his PB&J without crusts. Needing kisses after reading books together. Needing to sit in my lap when he wants to feel close to me. Needing to show me his cuts and scrapes so that I am aware of his owie status.
I pray that his mom knew all this about him before she died. I don't know how she would have known, but I hope that she could look into his eyes and see all that potential and life and joy bubbling under the surface. He tells me often that he's so happy I am his mom now, and after I weep silently into his shoulder... I agree.
Zinabu. Zinabu, Zinabu, Zinabu.
We are approaching his five year anniversary of joining our family. Does that seem possible? It does not, to me. His arrival (and subsequent pain and adaptation to America and our family) still feels so palpable. So just yesterday. I marvel at a five year anniversary.
Zinabu is the light of my life. The most incredible joy-filled ball of energy and brains. He is still a little tone deaf, but he loves to sing funny songs as he follows me around. Yesterday it was, "We're doing the laundry one piece at a time..." When he wants to get his way, he stares at me with his enormous brown eyes and says, "You can't resist the puppy dog stare." And he still asks me eight million questions a day, such as, "Where does Daylight Saving's Time really start and what time is it really here if it's already midnight in New York?"
His brain is so mathematical. He is a living, breathing calculator. We are going to have our hands full keeping him happy at school, and he is going to be "one of those" kids. One of those kids in the double-double-triple-super advanced math classes in eight grade, riding the bus to the high school to take AP Calculus with a bunch of 17-year-olds. I can hardly wait to see what he'll be when he grows up. I won't be able to understand it because it will have something to do with quantum physics, but I am very excited.
And he is still very much a little boy. Needing my snuggles. Needing his PB&J without crusts. Needing kisses after reading books together. Needing to sit in my lap when he wants to feel close to me. Needing to show me his cuts and scrapes so that I am aware of his owie status.
I pray that his mom knew all this about him before she died. I don't know how she would have known, but I hope that she could look into his eyes and see all that potential and life and joy bubbling under the surface. He tells me often that he's so happy I am his mom now, and after I weep silently into his shoulder... I agree.
3/6/12
M.I.A.
Where have I been? Nowhere exotic, that's for sure. Rather, the kids dropped our computer and it is currently at a computer repair store getting a new hard drive.
Yay! Kids!
I'm using David's work computer just to stay in touch with the outside world. P.S. I miss you, outside world.
I'll be back when the computer is back.
Where have I been? Nowhere exotic, that's for sure. Rather, the kids dropped our computer and it is currently at a computer repair store getting a new hard drive.
Yay! Kids!
I'm using David's work computer just to stay in touch with the outside world. P.S. I miss you, outside world.
I'll be back when the computer is back.
3/1/12
Our Family Bookshelf
Here's what we're reading around here.
Here's what we're reading around here.
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| Cathy: Heartbreaking and riveting (although simplistic). Unbelievable. |
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| David: The director of the British Museum discusses the incredibly important objects the museum owns and why they changed history. |
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| Carver: Science fiction buff that he is, this book is part of a series he is thoroughly enjoying. |
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| Lily: Nothing. (sigh) |
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| Zinabu: Reluctantly reading a chapter book series after finishing the Spiderwick Chronicles and mourning that fact that I won't let him read the next Harry Potter book until next year. |
2/28/12
2/27/12
My Heart Is All Aflutter
Apparently David did not get the memo that we were finished with medical emergencies and drama. I thought I was clear. To his credit, though, it was pretty much out of his control. Yesterday at 3:00 he came over to where I was sitting and said, "I don't mean to alarm you" (famous last words) "but could you take my pulse and tell me if it feels irregular to you?" Here is the sequence of events that followed.
1. Take his pulse.
2. Notice a pretty funky irregular heartbeat.
3. Try not to freak out.
4. Ask him when he noticed it.
5. Tried not to yell at him when he told me he WOKE UP WITH IT!!!!
6. Commenced our conversation
David was wondering if he could just wait till Monday to deal with it--hoping it would go away on its own. I respectfully declined and off to the ER we went.
The good news when you have a heart issue and you go to the ER is that you bypass everyone in the waiting room and the doctor will see you immediately. They hooked David up to a heart monitor and we watched his heart rate jump between 68, 144, 98, 76, and 123 all in a matter of 10 seconds. I was scared. An EKG showed what we suspected, though, that he was in Atrial Fibrillation--where the top part of your heart is beating faster than the bottom part and they're out of sync. Bad? Yes. Common? Yes, thankfully. They tried to control the A-Fib with a medicine they injected into his I. V. line. The medicine stops your heart for a second or two, then your heart restarts, hopefully in its normal rhythm. I think David and I were trying to look calm while the nurse explained that. Unfortunately, the medicine did not help. So they had to sedate David and shock him with the crash cart paddles you see on TV. I left the room for that, because I did not want the image of my husband hovering three inches off the bed from an electrical shock seared into my memory for the rest of my life. That was the longest two minutes of my life, let me tell you. I had held it together pretty well until then... but that was rough. Thank God, though, that it worked. He came out of sedation and his heart was back to a normal rhythm.
He has a follow-up appointment with a cardiologist on Wednesday, and they'll determine the best course of treatment. Some people go into A-Fib once and never experience it again. Others require life long medication to keep them out of A-Fib. Obviously, we are hoping for the former scenario. The biggest question we have is why did it happen? Hopefully we will have more answers soon.
Keep David in your prayers, please. And if we could not go to the hospital anymore for a long, long time, I'd like that.
Apparently David did not get the memo that we were finished with medical emergencies and drama. I thought I was clear. To his credit, though, it was pretty much out of his control. Yesterday at 3:00 he came over to where I was sitting and said, "I don't mean to alarm you" (famous last words) "but could you take my pulse and tell me if it feels irregular to you?" Here is the sequence of events that followed.
1. Take his pulse.
2. Notice a pretty funky irregular heartbeat.
3. Try not to freak out.
4. Ask him when he noticed it.
5. Tried not to yell at him when he told me he WOKE UP WITH IT!!!!
6. Commenced our conversation
David was wondering if he could just wait till Monday to deal with it--hoping it would go away on its own. I respectfully declined and off to the ER we went.
The good news when you have a heart issue and you go to the ER is that you bypass everyone in the waiting room and the doctor will see you immediately. They hooked David up to a heart monitor and we watched his heart rate jump between 68, 144, 98, 76, and 123 all in a matter of 10 seconds. I was scared. An EKG showed what we suspected, though, that he was in Atrial Fibrillation--where the top part of your heart is beating faster than the bottom part and they're out of sync. Bad? Yes. Common? Yes, thankfully. They tried to control the A-Fib with a medicine they injected into his I. V. line. The medicine stops your heart for a second or two, then your heart restarts, hopefully in its normal rhythm. I think David and I were trying to look calm while the nurse explained that. Unfortunately, the medicine did not help. So they had to sedate David and shock him with the crash cart paddles you see on TV. I left the room for that, because I did not want the image of my husband hovering three inches off the bed from an electrical shock seared into my memory for the rest of my life. That was the longest two minutes of my life, let me tell you. I had held it together pretty well until then... but that was rough. Thank God, though, that it worked. He came out of sedation and his heart was back to a normal rhythm.
He has a follow-up appointment with a cardiologist on Wednesday, and they'll determine the best course of treatment. Some people go into A-Fib once and never experience it again. Others require life long medication to keep them out of A-Fib. Obviously, we are hoping for the former scenario. The biggest question we have is why did it happen? Hopefully we will have more answers soon.
Keep David in your prayers, please. And if we could not go to the hospital anymore for a long, long time, I'd like that.
2/23/12
2/19/12
Old Habits Die Hard
I thought we had conquered the B.O.B. in Zinabu's life (Bad Orphanage Behavior), but in the last week it has reared its ugly head on more than a few occasions. For example:
1. He fell yesterday. Hard. I mean really hard on his kneecap. He burst into tears and I rushed over to console him and he walked away, trying to hide his pain and not letting me touch him. This goes beyond wanting to be tough. It's more of a "I learned at age 3 that I had to take care of myself and I won't let anyone around to help me." It was so sad, as he couldn't really walk well... more like a staggered limp. I had to grab him and forcibly hold him, telling him over and over again that he needs to let me help him when he gets hurt. It's my job and it's okay for him to cry. He wasn't really happy about it.
2. He got royally mad at Carver and was in tears and incredibly frustrated. David and I were trying to talk to him and get to the bottom of the situation but again, he walked away from us and locked himself in the bathroom. He hates crying in front of ANYone, and he hates feeling weak or vulnerable.
So I'm back to some intense lovin' on the little dude, and I'm back to reminding him constantly that it really is okay to cry, show emotion, be vulnerable, allow others to help, and in general take advantage of the family that surrounds him. It's heart-breaking to watch him think he needs to be so tough and alone. Anyone else still struggling after several years at home with your kiddo?
I thought we had conquered the B.O.B. in Zinabu's life (Bad Orphanage Behavior), but in the last week it has reared its ugly head on more than a few occasions. For example:
1. He fell yesterday. Hard. I mean really hard on his kneecap. He burst into tears and I rushed over to console him and he walked away, trying to hide his pain and not letting me touch him. This goes beyond wanting to be tough. It's more of a "I learned at age 3 that I had to take care of myself and I won't let anyone around to help me." It was so sad, as he couldn't really walk well... more like a staggered limp. I had to grab him and forcibly hold him, telling him over and over again that he needs to let me help him when he gets hurt. It's my job and it's okay for him to cry. He wasn't really happy about it.
2. He got royally mad at Carver and was in tears and incredibly frustrated. David and I were trying to talk to him and get to the bottom of the situation but again, he walked away from us and locked himself in the bathroom. He hates crying in front of ANYone, and he hates feeling weak or vulnerable.
So I'm back to some intense lovin' on the little dude, and I'm back to reminding him constantly that it really is okay to cry, show emotion, be vulnerable, allow others to help, and in general take advantage of the family that surrounds him. It's heart-breaking to watch him think he needs to be so tough and alone. Anyone else still struggling after several years at home with your kiddo?
2/17/12
Spring Break, Plan B
Fortunately, I am okay about not going to London. Alone. With David. All right, all right, I am mostly over it. But we needed a plan B. And we think we've settled on the perfect plan B.
We're headed to Texas! Yee haw!
I know it's not very spectacular, but we're rolling with it. Working with what we've got. Making lemonade out of lemons. And Texas just so happens to be lemonade-worthy. We did a little researching, and David and I agreed that we needed a get-away that would wear the kids out, be somewhat warm, and would provided some great rest and relaxation. Texas has the Gulf of Mexico and beaches and we can drive there. Perfect. Also, our spring break falls after their spring break, and it appears that we'll be there without any crowds or college partying. It's off season, and we found a house--ON THE BEACH--for the same price as a Holiday Inn. The house has no Wi-Fi, cable, or bedding. Perhaps that's why it's such a great deal. So we bring our own sheets and books to read. Whoopie! I can hardly wait. We'll also be an hour from the NASA Space Museum and the Houston Children's Museum. Extra whoopie!
The best part of all is that we have something to look forward to and we will be able to get away as a family. Not so shabby, if I do say so myself.
Fortunately, I am okay about not going to London. Alone. With David. All right, all right, I am mostly over it. But we needed a plan B. And we think we've settled on the perfect plan B.
We're headed to Texas! Yee haw!
I know it's not very spectacular, but we're rolling with it. Working with what we've got. Making lemonade out of lemons. And Texas just so happens to be lemonade-worthy. We did a little researching, and David and I agreed that we needed a get-away that would wear the kids out, be somewhat warm, and would provided some great rest and relaxation. Texas has the Gulf of Mexico and beaches and we can drive there. Perfect. Also, our spring break falls after their spring break, and it appears that we'll be there without any crowds or college partying. It's off season, and we found a house--ON THE BEACH--for the same price as a Holiday Inn. The house has no Wi-Fi, cable, or bedding. Perhaps that's why it's such a great deal. So we bring our own sheets and books to read. Whoopie! I can hardly wait. We'll also be an hour from the NASA Space Museum and the Houston Children's Museum. Extra whoopie!
The best part of all is that we have something to look forward to and we will be able to get away as a family. Not so shabby, if I do say so myself.
2/13/12
Valentine Party
Zinabu's second grade teacher opted to have the class Valentine party on Friday instead of tomorrow. I don't blame her. Those kids were so excited they could barely sit still. And with all the sugar in the classroom, it's no wonder she wanted to just send them all home for the weekend. The kids had a Valentine box competition, where they decorated their own boxes and displayed them. Totally unfair, as it was completely obvious which moms decorated boxes for their kids instead of letting the poor kids do it by themselves. Zinabu, the minimalist, drew red lines on glued a few hearts on his box. "Do you think I'll come in first place, Mom?" he asked. Ever the optimist.
Zinabu's second grade teacher opted to have the class Valentine party on Friday instead of tomorrow. I don't blame her. Those kids were so excited they could barely sit still. And with all the sugar in the classroom, it's no wonder she wanted to just send them all home for the weekend. The kids had a Valentine box competition, where they decorated their own boxes and displayed them. Totally unfair, as it was completely obvious which moms decorated boxes for their kids instead of letting the poor kids do it by themselves. Zinabu, the minimalist, drew red lines on glued a few hearts on his box. "Do you think I'll come in first place, Mom?" he asked. Ever the optimist.
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| Why does he still hate when I try to take his picture? |
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| He's getting tired of me. |
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| Waiting patiently for his teacher to say, "Go!" See his box? Plain and simple, yessiree. |
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| Go! |
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| Zinabu is still enthralled with American "holidays." All the hoopla and candy. It's like he can't believe his own good fortune to have landed on this planet. |
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| Z's classroom. Controlled chaos. |
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| My valentine. |
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| And the sugar kicks in. |
2/9/12
Aaaack!
I have three posts for this blog written in my head, but they're somewhat lengthy and require photographs. Currently much of my time is spent helping Lily try to get acclimated back at school--whatever that might look like. So for your reading pleasure, visit the following:
Rachel. Phenomenal post on running.
Tesi. Great post on faith and grace.
Bridget. This is what it is like, after waiting for 3 years to adopt a child, to finally get your final clearance from the country of Ethiopia that yes, indeed, you can legally come get your son.
And just in case you need another... Carrie. Homemade cleaning supplies. She's almost too good to be true, that Carrie. She's amazing.
I have three posts for this blog written in my head, but they're somewhat lengthy and require photographs. Currently much of my time is spent helping Lily try to get acclimated back at school--whatever that might look like. So for your reading pleasure, visit the following:
Rachel. Phenomenal post on running.
Tesi. Great post on faith and grace.
Bridget. This is what it is like, after waiting for 3 years to adopt a child, to finally get your final clearance from the country of Ethiopia that yes, indeed, you can legally come get your son.
And just in case you need another... Carrie. Homemade cleaning supplies. She's almost too good to be true, that Carrie. She's amazing.
2/6/12
Book Review
So it's February again and it is Black History Month, which is good and bad. Good in the sense that we need it, but bad in the sense that it is swallowed up by all the other "month" observances we now pay homage to. For example, did you know that February is also American Heart Month, American History Month, National Bird Feeding Month, National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month, and National Canned Foods Month (to name a few)? Despite all that, February still belongs first and foremost to celebrating Black History, and there are a couple of books on our plate that I wanted to mention.
The first book is The Underground Railroad: An Interactive History Adventure by Allison Lassieur. I plan on reading this aloud with the kids at dinner over the next several days. Definitely for the older crowd (over age 6, for sure), but I love that it's interactive. You are reading from the perspective of a slave in the 1850s trying to escape, or a slave catcher hoping to get rich catching escaped slaves, or part of the Underground Railroad, helping slaves escape to freedom. While I'm not keen on the slave catcher's perspective, it does present an accurate character in the history of the Underground Railroad that you cannot gloss over. Everything in this book happened to real people, and my kids get to choose which side they're on and what to do next. We've had a lot of success reading biographies aloud together, and I hope the kids will get into the history lesson this book provides.
The next book, for me--not the kids, is How to be Black by Baratunde Thurston. I heard him interviewed recently on a radio program and he had me crying I was laughing so hard. He brilliantly writes about his experiences as a black male growing up in the Washington, D.C. area, and his interactions with everyone around him in his neighborhood, school, college, and beyond. His observations are witty yet spot-on, and if you've never understood the Oreo reference among African-Americans, you will one you've finished the book. I can't wait to get my hands on this.
So it's February again and it is Black History Month, which is good and bad. Good in the sense that we need it, but bad in the sense that it is swallowed up by all the other "month" observances we now pay homage to. For example, did you know that February is also American Heart Month, American History Month, National Bird Feeding Month, National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month, and National Canned Foods Month (to name a few)? Despite all that, February still belongs first and foremost to celebrating Black History, and there are a couple of books on our plate that I wanted to mention.
The first book is The Underground Railroad: An Interactive History Adventure by Allison Lassieur. I plan on reading this aloud with the kids at dinner over the next several days. Definitely for the older crowd (over age 6, for sure), but I love that it's interactive. You are reading from the perspective of a slave in the 1850s trying to escape, or a slave catcher hoping to get rich catching escaped slaves, or part of the Underground Railroad, helping slaves escape to freedom. While I'm not keen on the slave catcher's perspective, it does present an accurate character in the history of the Underground Railroad that you cannot gloss over. Everything in this book happened to real people, and my kids get to choose which side they're on and what to do next. We've had a lot of success reading biographies aloud together, and I hope the kids will get into the history lesson this book provides.
The next book, for me--not the kids, is How to be Black by Baratunde Thurston. I heard him interviewed recently on a radio program and he had me crying I was laughing so hard. He brilliantly writes about his experiences as a black male growing up in the Washington, D.C. area, and his interactions with everyone around him in his neighborhood, school, college, and beyond. His observations are witty yet spot-on, and if you've never understood the Oreo reference among African-Americans, you will one you've finished the book. I can't wait to get my hands on this.
2/4/12
Snow
Colorado was blasted by a snowstorm yesterday. And even though winter is my least favorite season, it was nice to have a blustery day where we could sit by the fire and watch the snow fall. Like most of the country, we've been enjoying weeks and weeks of 50 and 60 degree weather. Where we live, we only got about 5 inches. But the rest of the state, and even the neighborhoods in our city just north of us, received over 15 inches. So school was cancelled, David got a much needed day off, and my kids set the world record for most hours in their pajamas. Not too shabby.
Colorado was blasted by a snowstorm yesterday. And even though winter is my least favorite season, it was nice to have a blustery day where we could sit by the fire and watch the snow fall. Like most of the country, we've been enjoying weeks and weeks of 50 and 60 degree weather. Where we live, we only got about 5 inches. But the rest of the state, and even the neighborhoods in our city just north of us, received over 15 inches. So school was cancelled, David got a much needed day off, and my kids set the world record for most hours in their pajamas. Not too shabby.
2/2/12
Celebration!
Lily went to school today for one hour! We are encouraging a modified schedule, meaning slowly re-entering her into the school day, but she went. She did it! Being gone for so long has created some anxiety about going back, and she has some troubles with concentration, but she went for A WHOLE HOUR this morning and I hope to keep her on a steady, increasing schedule.
Yay Lily!
Lily went to school today for one hour! We are encouraging a modified schedule, meaning slowly re-entering her into the school day, but she went. She did it! Being gone for so long has created some anxiety about going back, and she has some troubles with concentration, but she went for A WHOLE HOUR this morning and I hope to keep her on a steady, increasing schedule.
Yay Lily!
1/29/12
Warning
This lady friend of mine just chopped off her hair. Okay, she had good reason. She donated 12 inches of her lovely locks--and I do mean lovely. She has the best hair in the world. And personality. And family. I'm about to startstalking hounding her for dates this summer when I could drive my kids to their Y camp and hang out with her for a week.
But I digress. Her decision has me looking at photos like this. Since we're not going to London...
This lady friend of mine just chopped off her hair. Okay, she had good reason. She donated 12 inches of her lovely locks--and I do mean lovely. She has the best hair in the world. And personality. And family. I'm about to start
But I digress. Her decision has me looking at photos like this. Since we're not going to London...
1/26/12
1/24/12
Bad Medicine and Theology 101
Lily is currently taking three medications. Three. It feels like three too many. Actually, I need to change that. She's taking five, if you include her allergy meds. We were seeing some success with one of the medicines, but one of the side effects is increased appetite and subsequent weight gain. I didn't notice anything at first, but for the last few weeks she is complaining of constant hunger. I help her choose healthy snacks and I also make sure she doesn't eat more than she should. Her doctor is amazing and weighs her every time we see him, but she's gained four pounds and he's "monitoring it closely." He won't let it get out of control, but it just sucks that on top of everything else, Lily is now having to count calories and restrict her diet and possibly worry about being overweight. I have been vigilant about my kids eating healthy. Always. I just want to throw a brick through a window somewhere to get all my frustration and disappointment out. And to make matters worse, her medicine may be losing its initial benefits.
However...
I am not at a crisis in my faith. I don't talk about my faith (if at all) on my blog because, well... it's just that. My faith. Just like I don't talk about all the details of my marriage, because it's my marriage and I don't feel like you need to know every little thing that goes on between myself and David. My faith is precious to me and personal, but I would be remiss if I did not share once in a while that without my faith--my belief in a God who does care about me--and my time in prayer, I would be a complete wreck. I think prayer is one of the greatest mysteries in the universe. People either believe in God or they don't. People read the Bible because they believe in it and put it to work in their lives or they think it's a nice collection of verses that can't have much application for today. But prayer. Prayer is different.
Quite a few of my friends who do not believe in God do ask for "good thoughts" or "good vibes" when they're going through a difficult time. Is this because they're selfish and just want me to think about them? Hardly. Can it be that collective thought on a positive outcome gives them a sense of comfort they wouldn't have otherwise? Maybe. Is the idea out there for us all that we can somehow help the universe along by hoping for a more positive outcome? I think deep, deep down we do hope for that.
Where does prayer fit into that? For me, prayer is one of the greatest mysteries of life. I don't embrace the idea that God is up there like a vending machine, that if I just pester Him enough or plead in just the right way He'll give me what I want. That's plain wrong. I think prayer works in the opposite way. As C. S. Lewis so eloquently put it, "I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time--waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God--it changes me."
That is what I know to be true. When Lily's illness or financial frustration or sibling bickering drives me bonkers, I remember the verses I read in my Bible that morning, like "don't be anxious but be thankful" or "have a joyful heart" or "love unconditionally." And I pray. In praying, my mind becomes less all-about-me and more what-can-I-do-to-make-today-better. I become less focused on my own problems and more focused on loving others.
I'm no theologian. And I've never been eloquent with words or opinions. But I know this to be true: prayer is a lifeline for me.
Lily is currently taking three medications. Three. It feels like three too many. Actually, I need to change that. She's taking five, if you include her allergy meds. We were seeing some success with one of the medicines, but one of the side effects is increased appetite and subsequent weight gain. I didn't notice anything at first, but for the last few weeks she is complaining of constant hunger. I help her choose healthy snacks and I also make sure she doesn't eat more than she should. Her doctor is amazing and weighs her every time we see him, but she's gained four pounds and he's "monitoring it closely." He won't let it get out of control, but it just sucks that on top of everything else, Lily is now having to count calories and restrict her diet and possibly worry about being overweight. I have been vigilant about my kids eating healthy. Always. I just want to throw a brick through a window somewhere to get all my frustration and disappointment out. And to make matters worse, her medicine may be losing its initial benefits.
However...
I am not at a crisis in my faith. I don't talk about my faith (if at all) on my blog because, well... it's just that. My faith. Just like I don't talk about all the details of my marriage, because it's my marriage and I don't feel like you need to know every little thing that goes on between myself and David. My faith is precious to me and personal, but I would be remiss if I did not share once in a while that without my faith--my belief in a God who does care about me--and my time in prayer, I would be a complete wreck. I think prayer is one of the greatest mysteries in the universe. People either believe in God or they don't. People read the Bible because they believe in it and put it to work in their lives or they think it's a nice collection of verses that can't have much application for today. But prayer. Prayer is different.
Quite a few of my friends who do not believe in God do ask for "good thoughts" or "good vibes" when they're going through a difficult time. Is this because they're selfish and just want me to think about them? Hardly. Can it be that collective thought on a positive outcome gives them a sense of comfort they wouldn't have otherwise? Maybe. Is the idea out there for us all that we can somehow help the universe along by hoping for a more positive outcome? I think deep, deep down we do hope for that.
Where does prayer fit into that? For me, prayer is one of the greatest mysteries of life. I don't embrace the idea that God is up there like a vending machine, that if I just pester Him enough or plead in just the right way He'll give me what I want. That's plain wrong. I think prayer works in the opposite way. As C. S. Lewis so eloquently put it, "I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time--waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God--it changes me."
That is what I know to be true. When Lily's illness or financial frustration or sibling bickering drives me bonkers, I remember the verses I read in my Bible that morning, like "don't be anxious but be thankful" or "have a joyful heart" or "love unconditionally." And I pray. In praying, my mind becomes less all-about-me and more what-can-I-do-to-make-today-better. I become less focused on my own problems and more focused on loving others.
I'm no theologian. And I've never been eloquent with words or opinions. But I know this to be true: prayer is a lifeline for me.
1/22/12
Where, Oh Where...
are my pictures?
I have been terrible lately, forgetting my camera and not taking photos. For example, yesterday we drove to our good friends' cabin in the mountains. The kids were jumping off 15 foot embankments into snow drifts. Carver actually managed a few flips. And what was I doing? Not taking pictures, that's for darn sure. Okay, I was yakking away with my friend Ali and hoping my kids wouldn't break their necks, but I was also not taking any pictures. I've got to remedy that.
It's Sunday morning and that usually means we would be getting ready for church. (I love our church.) But today we literally have no food in the house and I'm afraid David won't be speaking to me if I don't go to the grocery store immediately. Also, it's a rare cloudy day in Colorado, and I can not seem to get out of my pajamas. So of course I'm blogging and procrastinating, but I will get to the store eventually.
Carver is still at the cabin, sleeping there with his friend. We gained their daughter Bailey, who is currently snuggled up with Lily in Lily's bed. Zinabu, my shadow, is sitting on the floor next to me, giving me a play-by-play of whatever cartoon he's watching. I am very slooooooowly looking up recipes on Pinterest, Google, and my cookbooks. I'm slowly transitioning back to a vegan diet, and I'm also slowly transitioning back to exercise. My knee has completely healed from my surgery in October, so I've begun running. I'm using the famous "Couch to 5k" app on my iPhone, and even though the process is slow, I'm hoping I can regain my stamina without re-injuring anything.
So that's my Sunday. Hope yours is a wee bit more exciting than mine.
are my pictures?
I have been terrible lately, forgetting my camera and not taking photos. For example, yesterday we drove to our good friends' cabin in the mountains. The kids were jumping off 15 foot embankments into snow drifts. Carver actually managed a few flips. And what was I doing? Not taking pictures, that's for darn sure. Okay, I was yakking away with my friend Ali and hoping my kids wouldn't break their necks, but I was also not taking any pictures. I've got to remedy that.
It's Sunday morning and that usually means we would be getting ready for church. (I love our church.) But today we literally have no food in the house and I'm afraid David won't be speaking to me if I don't go to the grocery store immediately. Also, it's a rare cloudy day in Colorado, and I can not seem to get out of my pajamas. So of course I'm blogging and procrastinating, but I will get to the store eventually.
Carver is still at the cabin, sleeping there with his friend. We gained their daughter Bailey, who is currently snuggled up with Lily in Lily's bed. Zinabu, my shadow, is sitting on the floor next to me, giving me a play-by-play of whatever cartoon he's watching. I am very slooooooowly looking up recipes on Pinterest, Google, and my cookbooks. I'm slowly transitioning back to a vegan diet, and I'm also slowly transitioning back to exercise. My knee has completely healed from my surgery in October, so I've begun running. I'm using the famous "Couch to 5k" app on my iPhone, and even though the process is slow, I'm hoping I can regain my stamina without re-injuring anything.
So that's my Sunday. Hope yours is a wee bit more exciting than mine.
1/19/12
No Rest For The Weary
Lily had to have two teeth pulled this morning. Not baby teeth. Permanent teeth. I swear, I'm begging God to just give her a break. I have a whole post written in my head about prayer and its role in my life, but that's for another day.
Lily has no permanent incisors. They are the teeth that live right next to your two front teeth. The dentist told me it can be hereditary, so we'll just chalk that up to another medical mystery in our kids that we don't know the history behind. Anywho, when you are faced with this predicament, you have several options. Close the gap between her two front teeth, leave the gaps where the incisors should be, and give her a retainer with false teeth for the next several years. Then, when her jaw stops growing (around age 20), she can have a bridge or implants. The other option is to pull two bottom teeth so that all the teeth match up in number and for her bite, then with braces move all the teeth forward to close the gaps.
David and I thought a good long time about this, and there's no right or wrong way to do this. I think different orthodontists and dentists have different opinions about it, too, but in the end we chose the pulled teeth and braces. Well, she would have had braces regardless, but this is to bring all her teeth forward and align them. I just looked at the future and foresaw multiple lost and broken retainers, issues with fake teeth, and Lily not having dental insurance when she's in her 20s if she's not on our plan anymore. Plus, for her sake, we wanted this over and done with. Fix it now in the next two years and not worry about it again.
So after putting it off for as long as possible, I took Lily to our dentist today to have the bottom teeth pulled. At this point in my life, Lily is the bravest person I know. With all her current medical issues, she has every right to chuck some serious rotten eggs at life. But she gets up each day and does her best. The best for her. Taking her to the dentist broke my heart, but she did it! Then, stuffed full of gauze and completely numb from the nose down, we went to Target to pick out some toys and games. I rarely do this for my kids, but can you think of a better reason to spoil her? I can't.
Right now we just finished playing electronic Simon, attempted oatmeal (seriously funny), and plan to watch a horse movie.
Lily, I love you so much!
Lily had to have two teeth pulled this morning. Not baby teeth. Permanent teeth. I swear, I'm begging God to just give her a break. I have a whole post written in my head about prayer and its role in my life, but that's for another day.
Lily has no permanent incisors. They are the teeth that live right next to your two front teeth. The dentist told me it can be hereditary, so we'll just chalk that up to another medical mystery in our kids that we don't know the history behind. Anywho, when you are faced with this predicament, you have several options. Close the gap between her two front teeth, leave the gaps where the incisors should be, and give her a retainer with false teeth for the next several years. Then, when her jaw stops growing (around age 20), she can have a bridge or implants. The other option is to pull two bottom teeth so that all the teeth match up in number and for her bite, then with braces move all the teeth forward to close the gaps.
David and I thought a good long time about this, and there's no right or wrong way to do this. I think different orthodontists and dentists have different opinions about it, too, but in the end we chose the pulled teeth and braces. Well, she would have had braces regardless, but this is to bring all her teeth forward and align them. I just looked at the future and foresaw multiple lost and broken retainers, issues with fake teeth, and Lily not having dental insurance when she's in her 20s if she's not on our plan anymore. Plus, for her sake, we wanted this over and done with. Fix it now in the next two years and not worry about it again.
So after putting it off for as long as possible, I took Lily to our dentist today to have the bottom teeth pulled. At this point in my life, Lily is the bravest person I know. With all her current medical issues, she has every right to chuck some serious rotten eggs at life. But she gets up each day and does her best. The best for her. Taking her to the dentist broke my heart, but she did it! Then, stuffed full of gauze and completely numb from the nose down, we went to Target to pick out some toys and games. I rarely do this for my kids, but can you think of a better reason to spoil her? I can't.
Right now we just finished playing electronic Simon, attempted oatmeal (seriously funny), and plan to watch a horse movie.
Lily, I love you so much!
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