2/19/12

Old Habits Die Hard
I thought we had conquered the B.O.B. in Zinabu's life (Bad Orphanage Behavior), but in the last week it has reared its ugly head on more than a few occasions. For example:

1. He fell yesterday. Hard. I mean really hard on his kneecap. He burst into tears and I rushed over to console him and he walked away, trying to hide his pain and not letting me touch him. This goes beyond wanting to be tough. It's more of a "I learned at age 3 that I had to take care of myself and I won't let anyone around to help me." It was so sad, as he couldn't really walk well... more like a staggered limp. I had to grab him and forcibly hold him, telling him over and over again that he needs to let me help him when he gets hurt. It's my job and it's okay for him to cry. He wasn't really happy about it.

2. He got royally mad at Carver and was in tears and incredibly frustrated. David and I were trying to talk to him and get to the bottom of the situation but again, he walked away from us and locked himself in the bathroom. He hates crying in front of ANYone, and he hates feeling weak or vulnerable.

So I'm back to some intense lovin' on the little dude, and I'm back to reminding him constantly that it really is okay to cry, show emotion, be vulnerable, allow others to help, and in general take advantage of the family that surrounds him. It's heart-breaking to watch him think he needs to be so tough and alone. Anyone else still struggling after several years at home with your kiddo?

6 comments:

Kim said...

This breaks my heart, Cathy. Thanks for sharing, though. We haven't even started the road to healing, but I appreciate constant reminders that it will be hard, hard, hard. You're a good mom for recognizing the source of his behavior and loving on him.

Courtney O. said...

yes.
Sam just asked me the other day if we would ever "sell him if someone offered us a million trillion dollars." So, yes, we are still working through his issues of long term stability to say the least.
stay strong friend.

hotflawedmama said...

yes. tariku deals with both of these all the time, actually. it's incredibly hard to watch him go through when i would do anything for him.

hugs to you and z.

Jess said...

My daughter has been home for over six years and these same issues still come up from time to time...

Jess said...

My daughter has been home for over six years and these same issues still come up from time to time...

Chatter said...

Yep. I was just telling Nathan how secure and stable B has been and then this weekend we hit a rough patch. It breaks my heart every time.