Last night was Lily's 5th grade "recognition." I'm not a big fan of graduations from preschool or kindergarten or second grade. But as it's the last year in elementary school for Lily and her friends, it was nice that there was a formal celebration to acknowledge their moving up to middle school. I was completely taken aback, though, by the flood of tears and emotion that literally overwhelmed me. I know I haven't been specific about Lily's struggles... and some day I hope I can elaborate on them. I know some of you are frustrated by my secrecy and wonder what the heck is really up with us. But I just can't in good conscious spill Lily's issues on the www. It's not fair to her.

So back to my emotions. This year was so, so hard for Lily. She missed so much school and David and I both have commented on the fact that this was a lost year for her. One she will never get back. It was painfully obvious during the ceremony last night that she had missed out on a lot. And when you feel like your kiddo has gotten the crappy end of the stick in life, well... watch out for the waterworks. I just bawled. Not because she was moving on to middle school, but because she was denied so much this entire year. It just royally sucks.

I did not sleep at all last night, and while I was up this morning trying to make lunches and breakfast the tears kept coming. My kids aren't used to seeing me cry so hard and so often. They were confused by my sadness and wished they could help.

I think summer vacation has arrived at just the right time. We all need a break from life's expectations, and Lily needs a few stress free weeks of not much going on. Here's to summer and a break and hopefully a fresh start next fall.


rebekah said...

This morning Quinn commented on how much sadness there is in the world - I frequently can't fathom the sadness, especially for children. My kids think and talk of Lily often... hope to see you guys this summer.

btw, I am not frustrated by you not sharing - you do whatever you need to and just turn to us when you need that too:)

Rachel said...

Lily is so blessed to have such a great mother who weeps for her and fights to give her the best life she can have. I hope you all get the summer vacation you deserve!!

hotflawedmama said...

yes, it came at just the right time, I believe that too. And those tears? totally warranted. Love you guys.

Julie said...

Love to you. Lots of love.