I found a lump on Zinabu's chest.
I was tucking him into bed the other night and stroking his chest when, Wham! A lump. There it was. The size of a pea. Right near his collarbone. At the time I thought, "Well that's odd." It didn't hurt him and I tried to leave it alone and not freak out about it. But it worried me. We don't have good experiences with lumps among our friends and family. They're always the worst possible news.
I called the doctor the next day and got an appointment for the afternoon. Then I did
the
stupidest
thing
ever.
I Googled "lump near collarbone," and what started as an information search ended with me planning Zinabu's funeral. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed. I thought I was going to vomit it was so horrible. Here's a little word of advice. Be careful of Googling medical maladies. You'll scare yourself to death.
We went to the doctor and both he and the physician's assistant examined Z. Those 40 seconds of quiet while they poked and prodded and rubbed might have been the longest of my life. Then the doctor said, "I'm pretty sure it's just a cyst."
You had to have heard me exhale across the state of Colorado. It was momentous.
They're not 100% sure it's nothing, but they're 98% sure. And for now that's good enough for me. We have to watch it and let them know if it changes, but I am hoping and praying it goes away on its own and never, ever comes back.
This motherhood stuff is for strong women only.
3 comments:
Oh Cathy. Can't even put into words what I am feeling for you. Fear. Relief. I don't know. How scary, Cathy. How very, very scary.
The internet is as bad as it is good, huh? That, combined with how we jump to the worse case scenario with health stuff for our kids....bad, bad combo. I'm thankful for you that you're working with a cyst...nothing more.
Oh thank God it's just a cyst! The internets is a scary place-Nora kept clearing her throat last week and google had me convinced she had Tourettes....it was just allergies :)
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