given up for your child?
In the wake of the London Vacation Tragedy (as I now refer to it in my head), I find myself teetering on the edge of feeling sorry for myself and feeling grateful to be able to take good care of Lily. I allowed myself one weekend to feel all the pain about cancelling our vacation plans, and then I had to move on. I confess I still have to be careful not to spend much time on Facebook, because it feels like everyone and their third cousin has just traveled, is traveling, or is going to travel to somewhere amazing. If I dwell there too long, I feel a pity party coming on and I have to be super-duper careful not. to. go. there.
Over the past week, though, I've challenged myself to think about what I, as a parent, continually give up in order to be a parent. It's not just one trip to London. Parenting is a lifelong act of giving up. Everything from sleep to a trim waistline, from complaint-free meals to song choices on the radio, from financial abundance to worry free evenings, you give up a lot. But would I have it any other way? Certainly not. Despite the fact that I still spend way too much of my free time attempting to match up socks, I would be the most selfish person on the planet were it not for my kids and the lessons they teach me about letting go. Letting go of having things my way in order to embrace a new way of doing things.
And unless you grew up in a cave, someone gave up a whole lot in order to raise you. Regardless of your relationship with your parents or caregivers, you are a walking, talking, functioning member of society because someone sacrificed for you. Their time. Their money. Their season in life to travel. Whatever.
So London is currently off the table of things we're looking forward to, but my day-to-day bursts of joy are not. They remain ever present. Ever there. Ever reminding me that my sacrifices are not equal to the love I receive.
Besides, maybe someday the doors will open for us to go to Holland.
8 comments:
London'll be ready for you when you are ready for it.
Beautiful post.
What Bek said. And also. I think you are an amazing mother!
Love the incorporation of Welcome to Holland at the end. Enjoy the very special and lovely things that fall along the path you're traveling now. Someday, you'll be able to say you've been to "Holland" and London, and you'll be richer because of it.
I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I really do.
Oh Cathy, that's the spirit. I love that you allow yourself to have a pity party, but then choose to pick yourself up by your bootstraps, and accept that you're going to Holland. I love you and hope you know that by writing, you inspire us to be better mothers and wives.
You are such an inspiration Cathy. In fact, while wallowing in self pity today, I thought of you and how much you embrace motherhood. I admire so many mothers like yourself. Thanks for inspiring so many of us!
Great perspective. You'll never have "this" time to care for sweet your sweet girl again...parenting is humbling and full of curveballs and comprimises. You'll get your travel time, and just think how much more you'll enjoy it knowing how hard you've worked and how long you've waited.
amen, sister. I just told Zach the other day "I'm going to miss this." Some days the realization that I have such a short time of even the stuff that truly tests me gives me the shakes. Time goes so quickly and I know one day very soon we will all do anything to have these moments back. Even the moments that we realize we aren't taking the trip of a lifetime when we planned.
Love you!
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