It Looks Different
I have a friend on Facebook (she doesn't read my blog so I feel safe saying this) who is insanely positive all the time. And I mean all. the. time. Her twice-daily posts read something like this:

"It's Monday! Time to rise and shine. It's gonna be an awesome day!"
"Woo hoo! 4:30 am run and my head is swimming with great ideas. Today is gonna rock!"
"Aahhhhh! Sunday! Time to recharge and relax. Love, love, love it!!!"
"Super excited for my conference this morning. Life is good!"

I'm all for a positive attitude, but sometimes I want to stick a fork in her eye. She's a wonderful person. Truly. And I certainly don't like the opposite--the whiny, constant complainer. But there is a balance, right? So if you're wanting a happy post right now, you might need to go elsewhere. I just need to process for a bit.

I had often thought that we would adopt again. I especially thought that we would adopt a special needs child. I was most open to a baby or child with Down Syndrome. But the timing never felt right, and waiting for that right moment to start the process or even look into it never happened. I've often felt a loss over the years, that I was missing out on that special someone. My desire to take care of a child that faced a difficult medical future never left. What I didn't know was that child was already in our home and her life would be difficult because of a medical condition. It just wasn't the one I would have "chosen." As if we have any choice in what our kids struggle with. That's me just being a control freak again. We see a specialist tomorrow, and hopefully we'll have some more answers and a direction to take--rather than this aimless wandering in circles, wondering what the heck is going on. So even though I'm not feeling very positive at the moment, and even though the medical condition looks different than anything I had ever anticipated, at least I'm finding some comfort in the fact that at one time in my life I was up for the challenge.

I'm hoping to find that energy again.