I took this photo a month ago at the hot air balloon festival in our city. It makes me feel good when I look at it. And I need to feel good. I cannot remember the last time I was this tired and wrung out. I think it was when Zinabu came home from Ethiopia with the mumps and he was in the hospital. David and I have basically had the crap beaten out of us. It's not a good day when your husband is crying as hard as you are. Our life pretty much sucks right now. And it will for a long, long time. I know you're dying to know what's wrong with Lily. I understand. I know you want to help and you want to know how to help her. Maybe someday we'll share what's going on. But for now, just know that it's not cancer and we're keeping it to ourselves because she deserves to go through life without people pitying her or feeling sorry for her.Feel free to feel sorry for me, though. I have no problem with that.
I am trying to live minute by minute. I pray. I get through each hour and try to focus on the positive. What else can I do? One thing that's been hard is eating. It's hard to want to eat anything when you're so sick and ill with grief. However... here's a list of good things:
Even though we've been handed a nightmare, I was able to admit that I am already a better parent for it. Gone are the frivolous worries and stupid hassles. Gone are the irritations and inconveniences. I poured myself wholeheartedly into my children this week and they are better for it.
We live in an age of medicine and doctors and specialists. Even 10 years ago we would be in a much, much worse place.
I don't work. This was the year I was considering going back to work. But Lily is going to need me round the clock for a while and I have the freedom to do that.
There is a very strong possibility I will be homeschooling Lily, which is so absurd it makes me laugh out loud every time I think about. I need to laugh.
We live with my mom. There aren't enough words to describe how this is going to affect us. It's the biggest blessing in the world.
I have a husband who is going to help me see this through.
Thank you, all, for your kind words. Thank you for just being there.
13 comments:
I don't really have much to say I just wanted to offer my support and thoughts/prayers.
I carry you in my heart, Cathy. I carry you both.
Oh Cathy! Sending you a giant hug, Lily too. We are all here to support you in whatever way we can.
this was the perfect post, Cathy. Love you. Praying for you. So thankful you have many blessings to get you through this.
I am here for whatever you need and whenever you need it.
Praying for that extra measure of grace and energy you need to just get through each day right now.
Thinking of you all and wishing you peace, hope and strength in great quantities.
My heart is sad for you and your daughter and your family right now. I pray that you find the strength you didn't know you had to get through this long season!! Thanks for keeping it real on your blog. You amaze me with your honesty, strength, and dedication to your family!
Sending thoughts and prayers for all of you.
Blessings,
Heather
Sending so much love to you and sweet Lily. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. And eat something, please. Even if you don't want to.
Tears in my eyes reading this Cathy. HUGE hugs from afar. I'm so sorry. As Deirdre said, please eat something. And please let us know if we can do anything (at all). Hugs friend!!!!! xoxoxo
Love you, Cathy. Wish I could wrap you up and hug you and tell you everything will be o.k., even if I don't know that. I'm going to be visiting the springs soon. Please let me know if I can see you. I won't ask questions, I promise. I just want to give you a hug, that's all.
Awww, I just read this for the first time. I'm sorry. Glad that the post at the top sounds as if you are all doing well, under the circumstance. Hang on, I will be thinking of you and your family, and especially, your little girl.
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