Why We Have A Wheelchair in the Back of the Car 

Is this not the best. picture. ever? Lily and her best friend, Bailey, right after their orchestra concert, looking so sweet and beautiful. And just to the right is the annoying little brother who can't leave well enough alone and just stay put.

I love this photo. Because it's just so real.

We are beyond proud of our little girl, who faced some personal demons last Wednesday night. Not only did she step up to the plate (so to speak), she hit it out of the ball park.

Tuesday is Lily's birthday. Do you know what she wants for her birthday? A wheelchair. Yes, this is the same child that wanted crutches for Christmas two years ago. But now she wants a wheelchair. She wants to train her dog, Buddy, to visit sick kids in the hospital and she wants to get him used to walking alongside someone in a wheelchair. So you bet your bottom dollar we got her one. Craigslist to the rescue again! David went to pick it up and it's in the back of his car until we can give it to her on Tuesday.

I'll be sure to post the pictures. I just can't stand how great she is!

Celebration!

Lily went to school today for one hour! We are encouraging a modified schedule, meaning slowly re-entering her into the school day, but she went. She did it! Being gone for so long has created some anxiety about going back, and she has some troubles with concentration, but she went for A WHOLE HOUR this morning and I hope to keep her on a steady, increasing schedule.

Yay Lily!

No Rest For The Weary

Lily had to have two teeth pulled this morning. Not baby teeth. Permanent teeth. I swear, I'm begging God to just give her a break. I have a whole post written in my head about prayer and its role in my life, but that's for another day.

Lily has no permanent incisors. They are the teeth that live right next to your two front teeth. The dentist told me it can be hereditary, so we'll just chalk that up to another medical mystery in our kids that we don't know the history behind. Anywho, when you are faced with this predicament, you have several options. Close the gap between her two front teeth, leave the gaps where the incisors should be, and give her a retainer with false teeth for the next several years. Then, when her jaw stops growing (around age 20), she can have a bridge or implants. The other option is to pull two bottom teeth so that all the teeth match up in number and for her bite, then with braces move all the teeth forward to close the gaps.

David and I thought a good long time about this, and there's no right or wrong way to do this. I think different orthodontists and dentists have different opinions about it, too, but in the end we chose the pulled teeth and braces. Well, she would have had braces regardless, but this is to bring all her teeth forward and align them. I just looked at the future and foresaw multiple lost and broken retainers, issues with fake teeth, and Lily not having dental insurance when she's in her 20s if she's not on our plan anymore. Plus, for her sake, we wanted this over and done with. Fix it now in the next two years and not worry about it again.

So after putting it off for as long as possible, I took Lily to our dentist today to have the bottom teeth pulled. At this point in my life, Lily is the bravest person I know. With all her current medical issues, she has every right to chuck some serious rotten eggs at life. But she gets up each day and does her best. The best for her. Taking her to the dentist broke my heart, but she did it! Then, stuffed full of gauze and completely numb from the nose down, we went to Target to pick out some toys and games. I rarely do this for my kids, but can you think of a better reason to spoil her? I can't.

Right now we just finished playing electronic Simon, attempted oatmeal (seriously funny), and plan to watch a horse movie.

Lily, I love you so much!

Update
I have some good news to report. Lily is feeling better. A lot better. One of the therapies the doctor wanted to try seems to be helping. She's sleeping better, too, and that is phenomenal. It feels so wonderful to watch her have more normal, pain-free days. It gives us great hope that 2012 will be a little easier than 2011. The doctors have warned us, though, that at times she can regress health-wise, but for now we'll take the improvement.

She's so brave!

Weepy, Whiny, Wednesday
I said I would allow myself one day a week to whine. You're in luck. Today's the day.

Things are in a weird holding pattern. As in... I'm holding my breath, Lily's holding together, my mom holds my hand, and David holds the boys. We're holding it in, holding out for a miracle, and holding our heads up high.

However, at night I weep. I weep into my pillow and wonder how on earth I will get up the next day and do it all over again. Lily is still not in school. Still not where her doctors want her to be. Still not okay. Still on medication that could cause permanent damage to her body. Still missing out on a lot of life.

I am not taking nearly as many photographs as I used to because I'm afraid that when I look back on them in a few years, I will remember only the pain and heartache of this season. I am ready for 2011 to be O.V.E.R. No guarantees that 2012 will be any better. It could be worse. But as far as 2011 is concerned, stick a fork in it. It's done.

Life is just so, so hard right now. I'm sorry to not have anything more exciting to say, but that's the truth. It's hard. I'm not saying I won't blog anymore, but how many times do I feel like sitting in front of the computer to face the reality of my very crummy situation? Um... not really. It's enough that I have to live it during the day. I'm not eager to re-live it when I try to blog.

We are waiting on multiple medications to make Lily feel better. But until we get there, it's just hunker down and make the most of each day. Sorry I have nothing else to tell you.

And They're Off

Sorry for the horrible photo. It was early and Lily hates to smile before 8 am, so I had to take it fast.

Do you remember when Carver and David took their trip to San Francisco? David promised each child when they turned 10 years old he would take them on a trip. Just them and dad. It was supposed to be a train trip, but now that it is Lily's turn, and knowing her personality, we decided a plane would be the better way to go. They left yesterday morning for San Diego for four fun-filled days with an extreme focus on animals.That's Lily's major love of all time, you know. So while we are here in Colorado, trying to find oxygen and blue sky with all the smoke in the air from the AZ wildfires, they are frolicking on the beach, going to the zoo, swimming with dolphins at Sea World, going on a whale-watching boat ride, admiring sea lions, and anything else that Lily wants to try. David is "travel guide supreme"--seriously, if you ever go anywhere he's the person to travel with. I am so excited for them. They really, really, REALLY need this time together. I hope they come home with a deeper love and appreciation for one another, plus a lot of fantastic stories to tell.

Happy June 1st
Lily and Zinabu decided to wash the dog together.

Lily is an amazing worker.

This is Zinabu helping.

Lily's Mystery Diner Menu
For those of you who asked.

Each girl had a menu at her place setting, and it looked like this:
Appetizers
Fluffy Pillows
Little Logs
Rolling Pebbles
Squishy Fruit Soup

Dinner
Fairy Bread
Rabbit Snacks
Heart Fruit
Red + Yellow
Little Italy
Old McDonald's Lunch

Dessert
Cake for a Cup

I brought out the appetizers first, then moved on to dinner when they were ready. The food is as follows: fluffy pillows = a pink marshmallow. (I know... sugary and not really an appetizer but c'mon. It was a birthday party.) Little logs = pretzel sticks. Rolling pebbles = Kix cereal. Squishy fruit soup = applesauce. Fairy bread = mini muffins. Rabbit snacks = carrots. Heart fruit = strawberries. (I cut them into heart shapes.) Red + Yellow = mandarin oranges. Little Italy = little cheese pizza pieces. Old McDonald's Lunch = chicken nuggets for the meat eaters. Obviously, Cake for a cup was cupcakes.

For the most part, I made these up based on food I had in my pantry and what I knew I could buy but that every one would like. If you choose to use a menu like this for your own parties, just plan the food then come up with interesting names for it. Lily's friends are all in 4th grade and some are approaching the "I'm too cool for anything" life stage. But they all LOVED this dinner. It was a lot of fun.

Flying Kites and 10 Years Old
Friday was kite day at school and I was there to help Lily. She was very determined. The weather conditions were perfect--warm, sunny, and breezy. The only problem was the 100 other children running around trying to fly their kites too. There were quite a few tangled strings.

Today we celebrate Lily's 10th birthday. Happy birthday to my sweet girl!

Just Kill Me Now

Lily's birthday is coming up. And so we begin to ask the question, "What do you want to do for your birthday?" It is a minefield. We have to work around her volleyball games, Carver's track meets, David's never being here, and her best friend's travel schedule. Once we narrowed all that down (it was harder than trying to win the lottery) I asked her what kind of party she wanted. Her answer?

A slumber party.

I remember being Lily's age and going to slumber parties and having slumber parties. I loved them. I don't remember my mom loving them, though. In fact, she was downright grouchy about them. She was driven insane to the point where she sat on the stairs next to the room we were in and kept hissing, "Quit talking." I thought she was just the worst mother ever, not to mention a giant party pooper. Now I know better. The woman just wanted to sleep.

So even though I do NOT want a slumber party at my house, it's looking like that's the direction we're headed. I'll let you know the date so that you can Skype me all night long and join in the fun. I'll be awake, after all.

A Prayer For My Daughter

Tina Fey has a new book out entitled Bossypants. I have not read it, so I can't speak for the  book in its entirety, but it does contain a prayer she wrote for her daughter. As someone who prays a lot for her kids, I resonate with this one. Swearing aside (because I usually don't swear when I'm talking to God), it's awesome. Enjoy.

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, for childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a b*tch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that sh*t. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Hippy Shakes

Guess who won the hula hoop contest at the sock hop last night?

Giddy Up
Lily's love for dogs is surpassed only by her love for horses. David and I joke that we come in a distant third. Or fourth, if you count gerbils. This weekend David took the boys skiing, and Lily, my mom, and I galloped off to Denver to see the Horse Stock Show. (Do you like my horse analogy? Galloped? Get it?) Now, I am not a horse gal. Not so much. But because it makes Lily so happy, and because Colorado is still such a great place for rodeos, ranchers, and the Cowboy lifestyle (is there such a term as Cowboy lifestyle?) it just makes sense that we would take advantage of something like a horse show. Do horses fall into the category of "culturally rich"? Please say yes.

In her utter element.

She discovered the miniature horses. Guess how many times she asked if we could buy one? If you guessed 67, you're not even close.

See the horses? The cowboy? Lily? The perfect storm.

She's my girl.

A Little Music
This weekend was the all-city orchestra concert for elementary students. Lily was able to participate and she had so much fun getting dressed up and playing her cello. I remember when we first began music lessons with each of our kids it was overwhelming. Trying to remember to practice and to get to lessons and find the music that they left all over the house just added more headaches to my day. But our persistence has paid off. Carver is a born musician--he loves it and it's one of the best parts of his day. Lily and Z play well, sometimes reluctantly, and are getting better each day. Zinabu is still 100% tone deaf, and that is why he is playing the drums. Just so you know.

A quick smile for me. Can you tell how nervous she was?

Last minute look at her music. You can't be too careful with "Hot Cross Buns."

Can you see her? Yeah. Me neither.

What's In A Name

Carver Thomas Michael. Carver after George Washington Carver. Thomas after a dear friend of ours who inspired up to adopt in the beginning and passed away from cancer. Michael because that's what his first mama named him.

Lily Roberta Shanice. Lily because I fell in love with the name. Roberta after my mom, who is one of the biggest inspirations in my life. And Shanice, because that's what her first mama named her.

Jon Zinabu. Jon because that is David's middle name. Zinabu because that's what his first mama named him. It means "rain." He never goes by Jon. He always has been and always will be Zinabu.