Christmas Tree, 2011 Edition
We actually got our Christmas tree two weeks ago, but I just uploaded the photos to the computer yesterday.  We've been pleasantly busy this week. By busy I mean busy not doing dishes, busy not making our beds, busy not eating three square meals a day but snacking non-stop, busy playing in the snow, busy playing with each other and the dog, and the kids have been busy snooping for presents. (Mwahahahaha! They'll never find them!)

Every year our National Forest offers $10 permits to chop down your own Christmas Tree. (If you can't get to Bridget's house to get the one in her backyard, this is the next best option.) Every year we make the 30 minute drive, get donuts, and scour the woods for the perfect tree. The past few years we've been able to find a tree rather quickly. This year was a wee bit harder. It took some searching.

Zinabu, ready and excited.

Carver, a little upset he couldn't use a chain saw

Searching.

Searching.

Darling.

Caught eating snow.

Finally found one. Carver begins to chop.

Lots of chopping. We helped by watching and cheering.

Back home with our super-sized Charlie Brown tree.

Our trees are tall and somewhat sparse, but we load them down with colorful kid ornaments. They're often clumped more on one side than the other. Heaviest ornaments are usually hung on small limbs so that the branches bend down and almost touch the ground. I love our trees. I need to take a photo of the finished product, but the memories created each year as we do this are priceless.

Weepy, Whiny, Wednesday
I said I would allow myself one day a week to whine. You're in luck. Today's the day.

Things are in a weird holding pattern. As in... I'm holding my breath, Lily's holding together, my mom holds my hand, and David holds the boys. We're holding it in, holding out for a miracle, and holding our heads up high.

However, at night I weep. I weep into my pillow and wonder how on earth I will get up the next day and do it all over again. Lily is still not in school. Still not where her doctors want her to be. Still not okay. Still on medication that could cause permanent damage to her body. Still missing out on a lot of life.

I am not taking nearly as many photographs as I used to because I'm afraid that when I look back on them in a few years, I will remember only the pain and heartache of this season. I am ready for 2011 to be O.V.E.R. No guarantees that 2012 will be any better. It could be worse. But as far as 2011 is concerned, stick a fork in it. It's done.

No More Mrs. Whiny Pants

My family. Lily looking sweet while the boys ignore me. Please note my fab husband is in the
background doing dishes! Love him.

All right. Starting now I am back to my regular blogging schedule, and I will allow myself one day a week to report on the doldrums we're currently experiencing. One day a week to flame out and cry. That should be enough. The rest of the week I'll be blogging like it's 1999--or something close to that.

We had no school on Friday, but the girls Volleyball team from David's school made it to the state finals, so Friday and Saturday were spent at the Denver Coliseum watching multiple volleyball games. Our team placed second in the state, and we all lost our voices cheering them on.

Last night my friend Tesi hosted the Wine to Water event in her hometown. If you have not met Tesi, I recommend you find some time in your life to do so. She rocks the entire world. I can't wait to hear all about the event and hear how much money they raised to bring clean drinking water to those who need it most.

I have also, FINALLY, updated Bridget's link in my "Places I Go..." section. You definitely want to check in with her because she is DAYS away from going to Ethiopia for the first time and meeting her son. I am all aflutter with joy for her. Her adoption journey has been unbelievably grueling. It's a great occasion to break open some champagne.

Thanks for all your continued love and support. I love you right back!

Oh Baby
It was 13 years ago today that I officially became a mom. Carver was placed in my arms and we celebrated becoming parents. Today is awfully special. Man, I love that kid.

Today is also crazy. Doctor's appointment for Lily, grocery store, bank, laundry, parent meeting at Carver's school, wrestling, pick-up Z at a friend's house, blah blah blah. When I tell people I live in my car they think I'm exaggerating. But I'm not. I really live in my car.

This weekend and today are spectacularly gorgeous. Highs in the 70s. Pristine blue sky. Yellow and red leaves everywhere. And on Wednesday it's supposed to snow with a high of 30. Which means digging out the jackets and gloves and hats and boots and I am so not ready for all of that. What's funny is that here in Colorado, it usually warms right back up again after it snows, so a lot of times I just tell the kids to grab a sweatshirt and remind them they'll be warm again soon. Mother of the year, right here!

We made some time yesterday to drive up a dirt road and find a secluded lake in the mountains. At 9,000+ feet, the leaves were mostly gone, but the sky and the water were gorgeous. My kids did what most kids do in this environment: get dirty, throw rocks, and goof off. It was awesome.

David's birthday is on Wednesday, so for all of you who are friends with him on Facebook, be sure to wish him a happy bday. He leaves on Thursday morning to go to Minnesota to visit his mom. He'll be gone until Monday, which means it will be a battle between me and the kids for who goes crazy first. I'm putting the odds on me.

Bike Ride
We were able to get out on our bikes yesterday. It was a bee-you-te-ful fall Sunday and we had "forced family fun time." You know what I mean. The kind where you have to make your kids go do something with you so you can be together as a family, and they drag their feet at first but once we get out there they have the BEST TIME EVER!!!! It usually goes like that around here. We let Lily take the small digital camera in her pocket, because she was going to take pictures of animals and document them. However, it turned out that she was mighty impressed with the yellow leaves and pretty scenery and she stopped her bike every 30 seconds to take photos. It made our bike ride a wee bit longer than we'd anticipated, but the results were worth it.

*photos by Lily, age 10

What Life Feels Like
Life disrupted, that's what it feels like. Over the last three weeks, Lily has been to school a total of 3 days. Fortunately, her teacher is amazing and she's keeping up with her work at home. She started a new medication today and hopefully that will help her feel better and get back into her routine. Keep her in your prayers--that the medicine will work and she won't have any crazy side effects from it.

It's the end of the first quarter school wise, which means tests, quizzes, concerts, assemblies, and David being gone most of the week. I miss that guy. Things should settle down a bit after today, thank goodness. I can only feel disjointed for so long before my eyes start twitching

We have extended family coming into town this weekend, which should be so fun. Seeing them always makes me happy. There may be a trip to the mountains for the boys, which makes them happy. And I plan to drink tea and read a mindless, trashy novel. Hooray!

Photos to come. They're just stuck on my camera. Too bad there are no "camera elves" to upload your photos each night onto your computer. That's what I want for Christmas. Photo elves.

It Looks Different
I have a friend on Facebook (she doesn't read my blog so I feel safe saying this) who is insanely positive all the time. And I mean all. the. time. Her twice-daily posts read something like this:

"It's Monday! Time to rise and shine. It's gonna be an awesome day!"
"Woo hoo! 4:30 am run and my head is swimming with great ideas. Today is gonna rock!"
"Aahhhhh! Sunday! Time to recharge and relax. Love, love, love it!!!"
"Super excited for my conference this morning. Life is good!"

I'm all for a positive attitude, but sometimes I want to stick a fork in her eye. She's a wonderful person. Truly. And I certainly don't like the opposite--the whiny, constant complainer. But there is a balance, right? So if you're wanting a happy post right now, you might need to go elsewhere. I just need to process for a bit.

I had often thought that we would adopt again. I especially thought that we would adopt a special needs child. I was most open to a baby or child with Down Syndrome. But the timing never felt right, and waiting for that right moment to start the process or even look into it never happened. I've often felt a loss over the years, that I was missing out on that special someone. My desire to take care of a child that faced a difficult medical future never left. What I didn't know was that child was already in our home and her life would be difficult because of a medical condition. It just wasn't the one I would have "chosen." As if we have any choice in what our kids struggle with. That's me just being a control freak again. We see a specialist tomorrow, and hopefully we'll have some more answers and a direction to take--rather than this aimless wandering in circles, wondering what the heck is going on. So even though I'm not feeling very positive at the moment, and even though the medical condition looks different than anything I had ever anticipated, at least I'm finding some comfort in the fact that at one time in my life I was up for the challenge.

I'm hoping to find that energy again.

How Long Till An Arm Gets Broken?
When your son builds a race car out of a dolly, an old office chair, rope, and a scooter, you have conflicting emotions. First, you are incredibly proud. Such ingenuity! Such creativity! Such awesomeness! Then the other side of your brain takes over--the part of your brain that reminds you of your co-pay at the Emergency Room--and you think, "Good grief! How long until someone breaks an arm?"
Any guesses?

Homecoming
Last weekend was Homecoming for the school where David works. There are various activities leading up to the big weekend, plus the parade, football game, and dance on Saturday. It's a bid deal, because the entire west side of our city turns out for the parade. It's been a long-standing tradition for the school, and I feel pretty lucky that my family gets to be so involved in all the festivities.

Principal David, reporting for duty. Such a stud!

Hannah, Lily, and BFF Bailey.

Carver with his super wattage smile.

David, making the rounds with the Homecoming King and the Superintendent of our district.

Zinabu. Talking. As usual. But dang, he's adorable.

In the parade! There was no room for me in the car, which is typical. But I was okay with capturing the moments in film. And after they drove by, I popped into the tattoo shop you see there in the background. (Kidding)

It was a really fun weekend!

I had the stitches taken out of my knee the other day, and I am doing pretty well. A little more pain now that the swelling is down, but nothing I can't handle. I have the OK to start walking and stationary biking, so look out. (Whatever that means.) I have discovered that being vegan is harder after strep throat, surgery, and family crisis. I crave salt (read: cheese) and the more stressed out my life becomes the more lack of discipline I have over what I eat. I shouldn't be surprised, but I hope when life calms down a bit I'll be able to hop back on the vegan bandwagon. Let me just say that if one more things breaks or if I get any more bad news, I might start eating bacon.

Looking Closer

You may be wondering why I'm reposting the picture of our family at Breckenridge. (Note: In Colorado, a lot of people refer to Breckenridge as "Breck". For some reason this drives me crazy and I never, ever do it. It's one thing to call Cape Cod the "Cape." That's a witty nickname and everyone in the United States knows what that means. "Breck" sounds like some kind of exclusive club that is for weenies. Maybe it's just me, but now you know.) I digress. I was looking at the family photo from Summer 2011 and noticed something. My kids are getting tall. I'm 5 foot 7. Carver is almost up to my ear and Lily is at my shoulder. I don't know exactly when this happened, but happened it has. I'm happy to report that Zinabu is right at my boobs, so every time he hugs me he's squishing me, but at least he's below my neck. They just keep growing.(My kids. Not my boobs.)

I am practicing...
taking deep breaths
believing in love
enjoying my kids
not worrying about the IRS and their mean letter to me
organizing closets and rooms and projects (because that's what makes me happy)
cutting back on sugar and flour (guess what? my pants fit!)
running again
saying yes to just about anything my kids want to try
and smiling more.

A Quick Update
It has been a bad, bad, bad, bad week. Money woes. A bad diagnosis. Kids are sick. David is sick. Paperwork piled up to my eyeballs. Exhaustion.

Things were just starting to look up when the bear came to our house tonight and ate Carver's rabbit. I didn't even know bears ate rabbits. Holy Meatballs, Batman! I am the woman that hates to fib to her kids at all--they don't even believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy because I can't stand the thought of telling them something untrue. And yet right now I am trying to concoct some sort of fable about how Fred the rabbit is suddenly not with us anymore.

Help me!

Summer Plans

Our summer calendar

I am a big believer in kids being kids, free-play, and never being over scheduled. However, the summer looms before us--its vast days with NOTHING on the agenda, repeat, repeat, repeat--and I go a little goofy making sure each kid has enough to do so they don't all wind up in Juvenile Detention (thank you, God, for making fireworks illegal in our county). They have their favorite day camps, and Carver is going back to sleep away camp this summer (I will need only 2 boxes of tissues this time around), plus a sport here and there--and the summer feels a little more well-rounded. I am trying (read: pulling my hair out with insanity) to find times that we can do several overnight trips to various places like museums, cultural centers, and parks. It's not as easy as I thought it would be, but I'm trying. I want my kids to be able to do everything, but sadly we lack the crucial resources like 10 day weeks and a million dollars. I'm still combing the summer guides for ideas. I have to remember that my kids don't know the difference between the symphony series in Vail or the jazz band performance at the local park. While I, personally, would rather go to Vail, my kids will be just as satisfied with outdoor music in a parking lot. Basically, I need to back off of trying to make our summer perfect. It won't be. Check back in with me the second day they're out of school and we will have already failed in multiple ways. We're so good at failing in multiple ways. Yay us!

And here's a quick update on my French lessons. I'm terrible. I can't seem to retain ANY of the words. I listen on my iPhone and practice the vocabulary, but the next day--poof! They're gone. I'm not giving up, though. Maybe in 10 years I'll have mastered the art of, "Where is the bathroom?" and "How are you?" Setting the bar high, aren't I?

Funniest Game Ever
We love to play games around here. Usually card games, but board games too. Lily got the game Headbandz for her birthday. Instant classic. Completely hilarious. (Except for David, who doesn't like vague guessing games, apparently.) My mom had to guess she was a pair of scissors. It took a while.

One Photo Every Hour
I took up the challenge from Julie, to document a day in my life with a photo every hour. I chose yesterday. A typical Thursday. Prepare to be utterly bored.

6 am. Up, dressed, and time to take the dog out to pee and then feed him.

7 am. Making 4 breakfasts and 3 lunches. I grab half an English muffin with jam. You'll be
 glad I didn't document everything I ate all day because I wasn't a winner in the food department.

A little bit before 8 am. Drop off Lily and Zinabu at school. I love, love, love this photo of Lily.
She looks like royalty.

9 am. Pulling into the garage. I have taken Carver to school and then played fetch with the dog.
I am back home to catch up on dishes, email, and bills. No time for personal hygiene. A week or so ago I found this Virginia Woolf quote and stuck it to my dashboard. It reminds me to quit comparing myself to other people. I am really bad about doing that all the time. Also, I need to dust my dashboard.

10 am. Back in the car. I spend a TON of time in the car these days. I am headed back to the elementary school because it's my day to work in the library. Note my iPhone. I am addicted to podcasts and cannot drive anywhere without NPR or some kind of podcast. I especially like podcasts on budgeting, economics, and money. I am freely admitting to you that I am a nerd. Also, I had to find some quarters for parking downtown later. I dug through our coin box in the kitchen and all I could come up with were 2,000 pennies and a couple of Chuck E. Cheese tokens. I found one quarter in my van and hoped the parking meter police were on vacation.

11 am. I've been here almost an hour and I've hardly put a dent in the piles. It is the end of the school year. Library books are all due this week. It is a disaster. However, I know the Dewey Decimal system pretty darn well, if I do say so myself. We have a great selection of books at out school. The kids are always drawn to the science and non-fiction books. Books about shark attacks and rats and the planet Neptune.
 They're little sponges.

11:45 ish. Before I leave I stop off in the cafeteria to say hi to the kids.
Lily, upon learning I'm not staying, gives me this face.

Still 11:45 ish. You ALWAYS wash your hands after working in the library
and visiting the cafeteria. After all, as you can see by the sign,
germs are EVERYWHERE!

12:30 ish. I am so glad I had my camera because I cannot think of one time in our entire marriage that
I met David for lunch on a work day. Never, ever, ever happens. Because he has jury duty and
was downtown with an hour and a half lunch break, I met him at Chipotle for yummy burritos. And
although it looks like David is participating in the Gay Pride parade with his purple badge, it
actually says "Juror Div. 20." He HAS to keep it on at all times so that no one talks to him about the
murder trial. It was fantastic having lunch with him. I wish we could do that more than once
every 15 years.

1:00 pm. I get home to this look. He needs to pee again.

2:00 pm. I think ahead to dinner and realize I still have time to start a loaf of bread in the bread machine.

3:45. Carver is out of school. He is excited to show me the pillow he's making in his Home Ec. class.
He said, "I wish I had a sewing machine. Sewing is so cool." 

4:45ish. Zinabu was playing here.

5:45. Dinner. Dinner is usually sacred at our house. We always sit down together, no matter what. That's why this photo is so funny. I hadn't run the dishwasher that day, so we dug out the camping plates. Lily looks like she's eating a jar of jelly for her meal, which she practically was. Zinabu left the table to get a vitamin. Carver was mad at me about something and was actually outside pouting, not wanting to come to the table. Good family memories, yessiree.

7 pm. I am cleaning up the dinner dishes (finally) after helping with homework and interrupting arguments
and picking up lost pairs of socks. A hummingbird landed on the feeder outside the kitchen window and
I was able to photograph it before it flew away.

8 pm. Carver and I talk in the kitchen for a little bit before he gets ready for bed.

9 pm. David and I are trying to plan a weekend in California this summer. He has to go for a
conference and I could fly out by myself and fly back with him. But his flight back is on a little
shuttle plane. You know how I feel about flying and I don't do small planes. At all. We are
at an impasse.

10 pm. I get a wild hair and whip up some sweet potato muffins for tomorrow's breakfast.
They were super yummy.

10:45ish. I get in bed. This is what I see when I lie on my side. One of my books about England.
I got through 2 paragraphs before zonking out.

Wrap Up
Wow. The past four days felt like 400. I can't remember a weekend where I was more sleep deprived and more over committed and more crazed about keeping David off his feet and out of the hospital.

First and foremost, I'll start with an update on David. He saw his surgeon last week and the doctor was stumped about the blood clot. David did everything right, is healthy as a horse, and had no underlying risks that would have led to complications. The doctor did say that since he's been practicing in Colorado, he's seen more blood clots post surgery than in any other place he's worked. So maybe it's the thin air. Who knows. But David felt better knowing it wasn't his fault. His leg was still very bad on Thursday and Friday... and for a while on Thursday night (during the sleepover) I was afraid I would be taking him back to the ER. But he's good now. He did a great job staying off his feet this weekend and there is a remarkable difference in how his leg looks and feels. Unfortunately, not only does David have delinquent veins, but he has delinquent and stubborn blood. The doctors put him on blood thinners to stop the clot from growing. A normal person's blood thickness (for lack of a better description) is at a 1. The doctor's want David's blood to be at a 2 or a 3. Last week he got to 1.4, then 1.7, and then he regressed to a 1.6. Go figure. So they upped his meds even more and I continue to give him shots in the stomach both morning and night. Poor guy. To add to his annoyance with life in general, he has jury duty today.

Lily's slumber party was a roaring success. I base that on how terrible I felt the morning after. The worse the mama feels, the better the party. Right? The girls came over about 6:00. The table was set and Lily was pretty excited.

Table is set and ready

The menu

Beads and cupcakes--perfection

Dinner was a mystery. We pretended it was Lily's Diner, and the menu was in code. The girls didn't know what they were getting until I brought it out. Cupcakes were yummy and devoured.

Lily's best friend forever and ever

Chocolate frosting on Evelyn

After dinner, the girls made necklaces and bracelets with all the beads we had on hand. They watched a movie and danced to music. And had more energy than I knew what to do with. They stayed up extremely late. And yes, I was that mother who wound up standing outside the room they were all in and told them to shut up and go to sleep. I slept about 3 hours that night.

Friday was prom. We went. Enough said.

The rest of the weekend was amazing. We were blessed with 80 degree weather and sunshine. We rode bikes and went to a friend's cabin in the mountains and played basketball and dug in the dirt and had company and planted flowers and grilled and laughed and decompressed.

Flowers

Carver eating outside before he ran away from the bee

What a complete ham

Lily and our neighbor's dog. Lily is such good friends with all the dogs in our neighborhood
they come to our house when they hear her voice.

I hope your weekend was just as amazing.